trying harder

Adrian’s Blog: Idolatory or depression (biblical counselling #6):

As I have said previously though, not every case of depression in a Christian will be caused by faulty theology or dashed expectations. But casting ourselves onto God will be of help in lifting depression for anyone (even if other treatments are needed alongside)

i wonder what “casting ourselves onto god” looks like, in practice?

is it simply a matter of “do not worry” per jesus’ advice?

this sounds a lot like the advice i’ve been given for my ADD and depression by well-meaning, but ultimately annoying, people:

(btw: i can assure you that, for some us, “to worry” is not a conscious choice being made, but is something that feels like it is being thrust upon us.)

having spent many of my thirty-one years (you should see my journal entries! actually, no, you should not ( ! ) ) trying to “cast myself on god” to no avail, i have trouble with adrian’s statement above.

it feels like i’m being told that if only i would try harder, i could be happy.

just try harder, chris.
that if only i would do this or that, that my depression would lift, at least somewhat. (with a little note that says, “even if you still need meds, yo”)

hrm.

this sounds oddly familiar…

i have experienced similar things with my ADD, too.

much of my school days were spent trying harder to not screw up.

i can sit here at starbucks and recall so many times trying to express to my parents something like this thought: how do you try to remember something that you’ve forgotten?

let us try an exercise:

have you ever been talking to someone, and some band or movie or actor comes up, and neither one of you can remember the name of the actor in question?

that oddly horrible feeling washes over you — you know the information is in your head but you simply can. not. remember. it.

now imagine trying to recall the name of this actor under the exact same circumstances, save one change:

the conversation that brought it up never takes place.

now not only will you be unable to retrieve the information but you have no cause to try to retrieve the information.

the things that spark most people’s memories into remembering to take homework home, or do it, or take it back to school, or turn it in don’t spark my memory.

and when i am explicitly asked to retrieve stuff, often i cannot.

this is frustrating enough all by itself.

but it is doubly so when i am told by people have not experienced it that i only need to try harder.

a similar frustration hits me when i read that “casting myself on god” can lift my depression.

simply: no, it can not.

on trying harder

i have likened this in conversations with people to telling someone with no legs that if they only tried harder, they’d be able to walk up the stairs on their own.

oh, really?

perhaps you’d like to demonstrate flying for me too?

can’t?

have you tried casting yourself on god?

and you still can’t fly?

hrmm… perhaps you’re not really casting yourself on god.
come on! everyone can fly! just try harder.